On the outside, stepped on and forgotten at the door……

Door mat that says; “Oh no! Not you again!”
Door mat that says; “Oh no! Not you again!”

I used to make a joke that one day I wanted to be indoor carpet……

Ever feel like you are a stepping stone for others to catapult off of on their way to their next adventure?

How about the peeps who have their own solar system that rotates around only them and some how you are magically transformed in a “recycle mat?” You know, the scenario….there you are at the door….shaking yourself off…and here they come again. You drop anything that you might of had going for yourself and talk about how you can help them...again. You listen, sacrifice (jobs, relationships, stability, money, time, your life..ect.) and once they are okay….there …

5G, honey bees, riots & crowd control, viruses, “plandemic”…can we just step back a minute?

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“Soylent Green” (is people)

I remember watching this movie when I was a kid (maybe 10 years old).

In the movie…I was horrified that the year 2022, our food supply was gone and people ‘donated’ their bodies to be made into squares of ‘soylent green’ and fed to the starving population. I connected it to our honey bees.

5G has rolled out 60 satellites in 2019. Birds are dropping from the sky and bees are dying.

No good deed goes unpunished…or without insight….

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Photo Credit: Anthony B. https://anthonyzuri.blog/2015/09/07/why-help-when-you-can-record/

So, what do you get when you mix a room full of Black Baptist Mothers, their teenage kids and a White Lesbian?

At the very least, a considerably interesting event and lessons learned all around!

A friend of mine recently said something to this effect, “ we keep having cool bi-racial relationships and soon we will be a great big melting pot of different races and we will all come out a nice latte` color.” Wouldn’t that be nice? Apologies in advance if I am offending anyone with ‘color’ coding…we are all human beings….wouldn’t that be a keen realization…instead of separation….

Anyways, here is how my story goes…..

I formed a non profit organization to raise awareness in our youths that would address all forms of bullying. I felt this was a worthy cause to hopefully reach both sides of the bullying scenarios and wake them up to their roles in these destructive and harmful behaviors. …

Unconsciously choosing to ‘check out’ of life….

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All my life I have been chastised for being an Eternal Optimist. Snide remarks came from every angle and unlikely suspects, people I thought loved me. Daggers that lodged themselves into the deepest part of my heart and soul.

It became normal to hear from co workers; “ Are you really this cheerful all the time?” or “ Oh, here comes Ms. Congeniality.” People could not understand that I ‘chose’ to be positive and it was just part of my innate nature.

So, it didn’t come as a surprise that when I had a tough day and my family or friends experienced a less than kind or positive side of me; I would hear remarks of complete disregard for my ability to have an off day, “ Oh, you must be PMS-ing” and “ Wow, what’s wrong with you today?” …

All the things we never got to say…did I really listen…

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Our Last Mother’s Day together May 2015

“Kathleen was born on October 6, 1937 and passed away on Thursday, June 25, 2015. Kathleen was a resident of Danville, Kentucky at the time of passing. Visitation and Funeral will be held privately by family.”

It has been four years…and I just now googled my mother’s name to see what would come up for her….a brief statement of her passing….aaaggg….

Where was my head? I didn’t even write all the wonderful things about her life!

It was just my mother and I in the end…my friends came and visited the last 7 days of her life to support me….did I forget to write an obituary for crap’s sake? Hospice wrote it….and they didn’t know what to say….they …

Escape from reality and the trail of heartache it leaves in the wake…

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Pipe dreams….seems harmless and I am not referring to a hookah, bong, smoking pipe of vapor cig…..I am addressing the escape mechanism of Pipe Dreams …a seemingly harmless daydream that can cause a tsunami of dead end relationships, unhappiness and unfulfillment.

My Mother was a master of this art. She was an unfashionably divorced, single Mom in the 1960’s when it was considered to be as disgraceful as rolling around in the mud with pigs. (which would have been easier!)

After my step father died when I was 14 years old, my brother left to seek an easier path and lived with our biological father in California. That left Mom and I to navigate through the aftermath of my mother losing everything she and my stepfather had worked so hard for during the 1970’s real estate boom. We were just busted. Mom developed what she fondly referred to as “Pipe Dreams.” Her ‘fantasy that helped her get through her reality.” It was a fun mental exercise that she and I shared and it usually started with, “someday we will…..” …

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Loss at any stage of anything; is grief and the process of bereavement…

The song by Andrea Bocelli “Time to Say Goodbye” was being played by guitarist near the San Marco Square in Venice, Italy. I was boarding a water taxi home as I listened to the melody and thought how hard it is to say ‘goodbye’ to anyone or anything that is near or dear to you.

Little did I know that the song that played through my mind while falling asleep would be my reality the next day. …

Why are they in your space? Who attracts them in? How to walk away…

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In Part One “ Operational Sociopaths; Charming…” I explored with you, my personal experiences with a couple of “Operational Sociopaths.” We covered 10 signs of how to recognize if you find yourself in a relationship with a person of this nature.

The question arises; “Why do I keep inviting these types of personas into my life?” …

Charming, seductive, manipulative and dangerous…(part one)

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Have you ever met someone who has this energy field that sucks you in like a magnet? Before you know it you have taken the bait of an Operational Sociopath and hook line and sinker….you swallowed the bait, emptied your wallet, turned your life upside down and amid the chaos; found yourself scrambling to put your life back together.

I hope for your sake you have only heard of these charismatic whack jobs from stories or from some unfortunate acquaintance.

I speak from first hand experience of encountering two Operational Sociopaths through a previous relationship. As if one encounter wasn’t enough, my ex partner was attracted to both of them and suffered the brunt of these two women. …

Ghosting, text break ups, estrangement and the damage of “no closure”

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In an age of technology, it has become horribly convenient to avoid communication and good old fashioned ‘face to face’ accountability in relationships. Relationships are not valued it seems and everyday there is an end to a relationship without communication or regard for the victim on the receiving end of these cowardly, heartless an unaccountable methods of dismissing and disposing of another human being.

Estrangement: “the fact of no longer being on friendly terms or part of a social group.” (bing.com)

When my daughter was not quite 18 years old, I had come out of the closet and in a relationship with a wonderful woman who stole my heart. I was so taken by her and in a whirl wind of a strong attraction and connection; that selfishly (in retrospect) I didn’t stop to consider how my teenage daughter and son might be affected. My son seemed find with it and he and his friends thought it was ‘cool’ to have to ‘pretty mom’s.” My daughter being the oldest and always striving for perfection; (straight A’s and never in trouble) initially appeared to be fine with my girlfriend. …


Elizabeth O’Carroll

Avid life “experiencer!” Masters in Education, Rehabilitation Counselor, Ministry of Metaphysics, Author & solo world traveler. Learning, loving & evolving! xxx

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